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TOTP: Would you ever dump someone by text?
Harry: Only if it was a short relationship.

Tom: Yeah, not in anything serious.

Harry: It would have to be...[considers this]...a week-long relationship.

TOTP: What about by e-mail?
Harry: Yeah, I suppose so. Tom: It's the same sort of thing, really. Harry: But you can explain in more detail.

TOTP: And on the phone - do the same rules apply?
Harry: No, I think on the phone, it's maybe a bit more acceptable. Tom: Yeah, the phone's more acceptable, like, TALKING.

TOTP: Have you ever dumped anyone on behalf of someone else?
Tom: When I was, like, twelve. Harry: [laughs] No, I haven't.

TOTP: When was the last time you were dumped, and how did you take it?
Tom: The last time I was dumped was...um...at school. Yeah, and I went on holiday the next day.

TOTP: That's a good way to get over it! And what's the lamest excuse you've ever heard for getting the boot?
Harry: Oh, there's ALWAYS the lame excuses! [Giggles] Tom and Harry: "It's not you, it's me!" Harry: Well, if it's you, then go and sort your problems out, that's what I say.

TOTP: Would you ever dump someone in the form of a song?
Harry: No. Tom: No. They probably wouldn't understand anyway, would they?

TOTP: Would you ever dump someone live on TV?
Harry: Now that is really harsh. No.

TOTP: What's the best remedy for being dumped?
Tom: Masturbation. [Harry and Dougie crack up]

TOTP: Nice. How about something printable? [All laugh, then start talking at the same time.]
Harry: Eat ice-cream, apparently. Dougie: Explore your sexuality. Danny: [shouting over from the corner where he's having his hair seen to] Just put "yourself"! Harry: [continuing] That's apparently what girls say. Eat ice cream. Dougie: And that's how they get fat! Harry: And then they don't ever get boyfriends again! Tom: And then they commit suicide. Harry: And then everyone dies.

TOTP: What's the worst way you've been dumped?
Harry: Some girl started shooting at me. [Makes gunshot noises] Tom: Yeah, that was bad. Harry: [in a high-pitched voice] "Just get the f*** out!"

TOTP: [stunned silence]
Harry: Not really, that was a joke.

TOTP: Actually, the next one's sort of related to that. Have you ever sustained an injury whilst dumping someone, or being dumped?
Harry: No, I've never been injured. Dougie: Never been hit. Tom: Never been kissed. [laughs]

TOTP: What is a good opener for 'The Talk'?
Harry and Tom: "Sooooooooooo........!" Harry: "So, me and you...come and take a seat...come into my office!" Tom: "Come into my office!?"

TOTP: And what have you done in the past to avoid 'The Talk'?
Harry: Run away. First class ticket, one way ticket to... Dougie: [interrupting] Nebraska. Harry: ...to the Bermuda Triangle Tom: Alaska. Dougie: [singing in a funny voice] "There is no water in Gibraltar..."