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Tom: I'd be a fighter plane test pilot. [Sniggers from the rest of the band.]
Dougie: I'd be Prime Minister.
Harry: That was really deep. Danny, what about you? What would you do?
Danny: I don't know really. Oh, I'd be a producer.
TOTP: Harry?
Harry: I don't know. I'd like to play sport or something. Play cricket, maybe.
Tom: Actually, I'd be an astronaut.

Rachel in St. Helens: What is the one thing you can't live without?
Tom: Air! Oxygen!
Harry: Food!
Tom: Water! Food. Mmmm. Um, I can't live without...I can't live without...
Harry: The ladies. [Laughs.]
Tom: I dunno. What can't you live without?
Dougie: Lungs.
Tom: Yeah, I think we've gone past the literal part right now. I dunno, stuff like...
Danny: Music!
Tom: Yeah, music, like my iPod.
Dougie: The urethra.
[Laughter.]

Megan: If you were a pigeon, which celebrity would you poo on and why?
Harry: Funny you should say that, because I got pooed on by a pigeon, so that pigeon decided that I would be the one that they'd poo on.

TOTP: Do you think that was another celebrity in disguise?
Harry: Maybe it was.
Tom: It was me! I was that pigeon. I'd poo on Harry.
Harry: I was in France, sitting on the beach, reading my book. Suddenly, BOSH! Tom the pigeon flies overhead, s**ts on my head and my book.

TOTP: Which was worse - having it on your head or on your book?
Harry: Well, the book kind of looked more scabby - it was really, like, creamy.
Tom: Pigeon poo is manky, isn't it?
Harry: They keep pooing on my new car, as well. Literally, I was cleaning my car, as soon as I finished, BOSH! Massive bit of poo down the window. Went into my house, got some stuff, cleaned it off, as soon as I cleaned it off: BANG! Again. So I, er, reversed the car away from the tree.
Danny: [apparently ignoring the interview and watching the rest of the show on the green room TV instead] I tell you what, the Sugababes have got some long eyelashes, haven't they? Check out them eyelashes!
Harry: They're a pretty bunch of girls, aren't they?

Bex: Do you like drinking fresh orange juice with bits in, or do you prefer it without? I personally prefer it without, but I'd drink it with bits in if there was nothing else left.
Harry: That's a good question. I am always torn between the two.
Danny: I don't like bits. I like it smooth.
Harry: I think in the morning, without bits.
Tom: I like with bits, because I think it's healthier, even if I know it's just like strained...
Harry: It probably is healthier.
Tom: I don't think it is. Dougie, who only drinks Sunny D original, which is full of...
Danny: [re: the TV. Again] That's The Kooks on.
Harry: [indicating the microphone] Danny, they can't see. They can't visualise what you're on about.
Tom: So, with bits for me.

Mickey: Do you have any pre-performance rituals, and if so whose is the weirdest?
Tom: I dunno. I think it's always best to go to the toilet before you go onstage.
Dougie: We tickle each other.

Siobhan in Scotland: Tom, on your last tour at your gig in Glasgow, you made the whole audience boo at my friend and I, who were left very, very embarrassed. Can you say sorry, and all will be forgiven?
Tom: Well, that would probably mean that they left before the last song, which as everybody knows, everybody always saves the best song -
Dougie: They miss the fire.
Harry: Tom, just apologise.
Tom: Things happen at the end...
Harry: Apologise.
Tom: And - I'm sorry.
Dougie: But only if she apologises!
Tom: You have to have a valid reason! See, on the next tour, that's what we'll do. We'll give them a chance to give us a reason why they're leaving before the last song.
Danny: A big mic on a crane. Whoever leaves, we'll go "What's your reason?"
Tom: And if they haven't got a valid reason, they're gonna get booed by 10,000 people.
Harry: I apologise on behalf of Tom.
Tom: I know what it's like, because my mum and dad used to take me out before the encore to beat the traffic. Oh yeah, pay 40 quid for a ticket, "let's leave before the end." Good idea.
Harry: All right, all right, enough of that.

Liz from Stratford-upon-Avon: Who do you think has the best haircut in the band?
Harry: Probably me, I'd say. Wouldn't you? I think it's unanimous. Yep! Next question.
[Laughter.]

Abbie from Stafford: If you had to choose another band to be in for a massive gig, who would it be and why, and who would replace you in McFly?
Danny: I'd be in the Rolling Stones, just for a day, just for...what was that gig they've just done?
Dougie: I'd replace Keisha from the Sugababes.

TOTP: You've probably got quite a good chance, considering the number of times they've changed their line-up.
Harry: [singing] "Dougie's in a red dress, da-na-na-na..."
Tom: I'd replace Dougie in McFly.
Harry: I'd replace...um, I don't know...
Danny: Bon Johnham.
Harry: Bon Johnham! I was gonna say that! John Bonham, from Led Zep.
Tom: And he'd replace you in McFly. [Which is amusing for many reasons, not least of which being that he died in 1980. - TOTP Facts Ed.]

Lucy and Natasha from London: If you could be in any role in any movie, what would it be and why? We would like you to be in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Don't ask us why, but we think Harry looks a bit like a pirate.
Harry: [impressed] Arr!
Tom: That's because he's scabby and dirty, that's why.
Harry: No, it's because I look like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom.
Dougie: It's because they found out about your wooden leg. [Laughter.]
Tom: I'd be in Star Wars. I'd be a Wookiee.
Harry: This is not about Star Wars. This is about me being in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Danny: I'd be ET. [Does an impressive waddling ET impersonation.]
Tom: I reckon I'd be a Jedi.
Dougie: I'd be Willy in Free Willy.
Danny: That's not funny.
Harry: I'd be Arnold Schwarzenberger in Terminator.